It’s been weeks since we stopped talking. It’s been months since we last met. And I wondered if during those times, did you ever think of me? Or am I just the one missing you and our memories together?
I’m thankful that I have known you. Thankful for every moment that we’ve spent together. I am actually at my best self when I am with you. And I cannot deny how I look forward to being with you every single day.
But why is it at the back of my mind, I am wishing that the moment when we first go out on a date, I just stopped there? That at the back of my mind, I hoped that I never invested this much efforts and feelings with you? In that way, I have protected myself with so much pain that I am feeling right now.
I wish you could’ve just treated me badly. I wish you could’ve just done something wrong so that I can easily let you go by projecting anger to you. But you didn’t. You treated me so well, so gently and so carefully that I prayed to God every single night to experience it for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that all of those times, you’re just waiting for me to let go. I just wish you just told me sooner that it wasn’t me that you wanted. That you just find me convenient. That in every second I wanted it to work out, you didn’t want to. I’m sorry I have to hold on for a while. I was just hopeful that you might love me too.
Don’t worry, I am letting you go now. It’s hard, of course, because I love you. But I want you to be happy, too. I want you to be free and find the girl that you really wanted and not stuck with me because it’s familiar. I want you to experience life and love to the fullest… even if it’s not with me.
