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Everything happened in a snap. I always knew you were broken, you never failed to warn me from the start, and despite all, I’ve never been so sure of one thing — that I always wanted to stay.
Learning about your past just made me want you more — not because I want to give the love you deserve, but to give you the love that will always stay (only if ever). I’m sure what you guys had was true love indeed — the feelings of young love, first in everything, and a taste of a lifetime in a decade-long of togetherness.
I was sure reluctant to know you at first, as we got the best, but different worlds between us — career, interests, and personality as a whole. Bullshit as you say, but it really is. Well, I guess, our only similarity boils down to “being damaged and broken”. It real is amazing though, on how we got to like each other still, just, so much. I think it’s the beauty of having met through such a “fortunate accident”.
It was clear to me when you said you’re not looking for something serious, really, believe me, I was damn fine with it. We all have our untold stories, and I can say, I am more broken than you think you are right now. It’s just that, you’re trying to regain your self-esteem and the lost faith in yourself, while I never bothered to go back to my old beliefs. It’s been a demi-decade for me, while you’re just way past acceptance.
Despite some plot twists, things went smoothly still, very, very fine. It’s as if we’ve been on a “high” since the beginning, and as every day goes by, things got deeper and deeper. I always kept in mind though, what you wanted since day one, and as you have been constantly reminding me — not to fall inlove, just ever.
However, somewhere along the way, as more simple nights turned into meaningful ones, some things have likewise slowly evolved. You know, I’m not the one to assume, but unlike you, it wasn’t appropriate for me to ask, and I’ve always tried to avoid complications due to fear of losing you. Everything I said before was true — I only wanted for you to be okay, be it whoever you want me to be, I would want to help and take care of you in ways you would allow me to. I never expected anything, I just, really want to be here for you so long as you would want me to stay, and know that it has always been my choice to do so. I just never imagined we’d go beyond that.
Tell me, baby, did you get lost? Or, was I the only one? ‘Cause it sure confused me as hell. I won’t be feeling this way if not for those mixed signals. Not only did you get me these unanswerable questions, you also let me welcome my ignored and resisted feelings for you, just because you wanted to know. But if being honest to myself, if admitting what I really feel would cost me to lose you, at least you knew. And I hope I was able to make you feel so somehow.
Are they real? Or not even close to? Am I wrong? Or somehow right? Or would you say it doesn’t matter anymore if we already reached the end? While I had these questions linger in my mind then, little did I know you would do it that soon and in just a snap. You left me hanging and I hope you know how bad it hurts.
I’ve come to realize now, regardless of what’s right or wrong, that everything was just a dream. I would never regret anything, as such was indeed my best one. If only I’d be given a chance, I would still want to prolong it, even if I know how far it is from reality, and that I could, you could, wake me up anytime. For that I realized as well, you may get lost along the way, but at the end of the day, you will always come back to your high and unbreakable walls, like forever.
