My ALMOST

As I am writing this post, I am scrolling through old scribbles and notes which had me recall a time where I experienced an almost relationship. It was probably the hardest breakup(in a sense with myself since we never really did have one) that I had to go through.

We all might not admit it but each of us have this one particular person that wasn’t completely ours but we so badly and wished them to be. That one person that made us feel like everything, anything was possible because they’re there.

I was struggling to love myself back then after going through several difficult circumstances. I was aloof and disconnected, built barriers around me but he came, pursued and was always there. In short, I became dependent on him. There were no talks about “us” as I was happy he was there for me. It continued to be that way for months and I didn’t know where to position myself anymore. Confused and scared as there was no talk of commitment and I wasn’t brave enough to ask fearing rejection and confirming that there was no possibility of having an actual real relationship.

Then one day, everything changed. The routine changed – no more visits, late night talk, calls or messages. I felt abandoned and lost. I was alone again. I made myself busy at work and started writing to relase my pent up emotions.

Here I am waiting for you again.

Though I told myself, “let go”, the feeling still remains.

These emotions I can’t even restrain I tried to breakthrough; escape – but I can’t even destroy these chains.

On how you ditched me and let me wait in vain.

Still, here I am waiting eventhough nothing is certain.

I did wait for him. I was waiting for that closure but it never came. It was so difficult, to separate from the thoughts and hopes of everything that could and might have been. But you know, time heals. Life gives us lessons to make a better version of us and I did. I was able to know and love myself better.

You might not be significant to him but for someone else in the future you will be. Build yourself and let yourself grow. We are worth so much more that we could ever imagine and when that someone for you comes, he will know that worth without you telling.

To the almost, to those who are still in this relationship and those that might be getting into this (please think about it) I leave my almost piece.

What is the saddest word in english?

What word do you have in mind?

Do you agree if I say ALMOST?

We were almost there.

We almost crossed the line.

I almost had you.

We almost made it in time.

It was so close,

I almost called you mine.