Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
I want to close this season of my life that’s why I’m writing this to share my story.
Before anything else, I want to clarify na hindi masama gumamit ng dating applications if you’re not into Netflix and Tiktok especially this Enhanced Community Quarantine lalo na if you’re living alone and wanted to talk to someone since your friends are busy with their life and working from home but let me tell you my realizations I’ve been through for almost 2 months of using these Tinder and Bumble.
I’ve been ghosted for three times same age 25 din sila. Why? The first time I used Tinder last year seems like I stayed there for only three weeks. Kinda boring to cope up to those people with same approach like: Saan ka nakatira? Saan ka nagwowork? Anong course mo? But well I know they are doing this to initiate some conversations. Nakakapagod siya actually until some guys I think good enough to talk with continue the exchange messages in messenger and viber.
The first guy lasted for a month. He’s taking masters degree in management at UST and his undergrad was aviation. Syempre naamazed ako, malay ko ba sa aviation na course since I was in Chemistry field. Since this is my first time and he knew that I am an NBSB, the talk goes on from him greeting good morning until makauwi siya from work. If late siya nakakapgreply, he will said sorry. Even taking his meals ipapaalam niya, gusto ko na nga sabihin na bakit kailangan pang sabihin? Haha! Pero seriously, I just did casual messages. Flirting stage pala ‘to na di ako aware. Quality Control trainer siya sa C3. We’re really not talking so much about life since working kami both and busy, night lang kami nakakapagusap at napapahaba ang convo everytime he’s talking about his glorious days after undergrad. Yes he’s a fckboy during his instructor days in FEU. Nagulat ba kayo? Ako rin. Well then he’s asking before if we could meet and I said that’s okay but meet up never happen since lagi siyang may ganap every weekend. I was disappointed a little bit to myself kasi gusto ko lagi ko siya kausap sa text and ganito pala ako kapag natutuwa kausap ang isang guy.
Halfway of the month, may biglang nagchat sa messenger ko which is one time ko lang naman nakausap sa Tinder. I consulted to him about the fckboy guy if I will meet him and he suggested that’s fine as long as hindi kayo sa hotel dederetso. He even said na swerte yun kasi nbsb ako. Nagkawithdrawal syndrome ako dito since I’ve been talking to this guy consistently for three months. Mabait siya, he only had one ex, he also was like my brother because we’re both sending memes sa kapatid and same sila na mahilig sa samgyupsal and milktea pati ideal feature ng girl na short hair and cute. He by the way was a medtech in PNP General Hospital, her mother was former secretary of Panfilo Lacson, his younger sister currently on medschool at DLSU-D. I was taking my masters in Taft. This guy initiated calls sa viber after weeks namin magkausap sa messenger, super kasundo ko siya sa anime and others. Mas madalas siyang mgsend ng selfies rather me na food and places. Nung mga una naming magkausap sa chat, lagi niya akong inaasar na irereto ako sa pinsan niya para daw masaya na ako dahil may boyfriend na. Loka loka din eh. Ikaw yung kausap ko tapos magrereto ka? Yes alam ko namang di mo’ko type. Haha! Natutuwa ako sa mga ginawa niya like ang bilis at mahaba mgreply and nageffort ako for continuous talk until this January hindi na siya nagreply. I greeted him happy birthday after a month since I remember during calls last year his birthdate. That was the last time of having convo with him and he said wala pa siyang girlfriend, even sent picture of reviewer for mls ascp US certification.
Ang hirap magmove on lalo na kung hindi naman kayo.
So I tried Tinder and Bumble around Feb then deleted after a week to focus on my thesis. I then knew someone worth to talk with. Lagi akong napapaisip kapag kausap siya. He even lectured me about the medtech guy na I was ghosted and to move on sabi niya “As in sabihin mo sa sarili mo utang na loob pwede ba tigilan mo na mukha kang tanga.” Actually hindi ako aware until that time na sinabi niya. He was a law student of Ateneo kaya nobela na yung natype ko seconds may reply na siya ayan ay kapag on break siya sa studies niya and by the way magna cum laude siya ng DLSU aiming to have an honor to attend his dream university at Harvard. Traveled a lot of places but never had a girlfriend but a lot of partners. Dinefine pa niya ang ibig sabihin ng partner which is someone you had on a daily basis. May point naman siya.
Nakakagulat lng din yung sinabi niyang “Tell me something that not many know about you?” Ang haba ng arguments namin dito and dahil dyan in two weeks of consistency until then he said sorry because personality wise we will not work out since sa sex palang na topic, I was in morality and conservative type. One way of ghosting yun eventhough he said sorry in a good way, well di parin kayo nagwork out.
During ECQ, I attempted again. Bakit nga ba kasi? I’m searching for a companion since I only have my younger bro and Papa na close guy. Personaly beyond work and school related, I don’t have a guy friend. I talk to a lot of guys this time and some of them akala mo totoo mga pinagsasabi like he will not do ghosting in you, on the first day of talk seems like you shared a lot and being snappy then the other days wala na. Actually, I told you before nakakapagod mageffort aside from swiping and sharing. So as I reached 200 matches in Tinder and very few in Bumble. Sa Bumble kasi you can filter if you don’t want a guy na smoker or he’s in grad school but maraming law and med students dun eventhough it is a must in the app for a girl to approach first, a lot of them are not replying. Kung may interest man, I think for just flings. Yung interesado naman na kilalanin ako thoroughly like someone from UP-M currently in MS Biochemistry, Law student of Arellano, Bar Server of Cruiseline, hindi ko naman sila gusto the way they approach me in messages due to lack of respect and consistency. In Tinder, most of them are for hookups, casual relationship and even finding connections like one time may nakausap akong Japanese CEO pala siya ng MSR, Japanese recruitment company here in Manila. He said that “SMS is a parent company of MIMS and MIMS is a parent company of MSR.”
I learned and realized a lot since I started these dating apps na may mga common traits ang guys on how they will approach you most of them will not keep an effort to talk to you. Mas lumawak ang pagintindi ko sa side ng guys may nagsabi pa one time na based sa stories ko, para na raw akong nagkaroon ng boyfriend. Natawa ako. Pero never pa ako nakipagmeet up factor is trust issue din kasi and to think I was ghosted before actually affects my mental health. There are also guys na hindi kana kakausapin once they knew you’re not open in a date. Agad? And some kapag di mo napagbigyan sa video call which I never did talaga unless we’re very close friends. I deleted Tinder finally yesterday and weeks before the Bumble to focus on myself. Omg girl di mo pa natatapos thesis proposal write up mo! Haha. Actually, I want to go back on how busy I am a year ago but still dating app is an option for me if again attempted to find a companion which maybe I can be my lifetime partner someday. Since extended ang ECQ, marami pang pwedeng gawin. Since then, set your boundaries if there is someone you been interested with. Don’t trust anyone but yourself, girl huwag maniwala agad ha. Okay lang lumandi basta at the end alam mong hindi ka nagbigay ng maraming time and emotion all throughout kasi ikaw ang talo if bigla na namang nawala. Don’t talk to guys na bastos and bored okay? They are designed to pursue sa taong gusto nila. Even you and the guy talking about past relationships and family or common hobbies, don’t assume anything. Just be open to be fair.
Kung ano yung effort na ginagawa niya for you, dapat ganun ka lang din.
Very few of my close friend knew this story and supportive naman sila since I’m doing some effort to find someone and one of them nashocked kasi di niya expected that I will try these apps. Sa mga nakakakilala sakin, sa’tin lang to ha. 🙂