Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
We all know that once we are already in our mid 20’s, people around us will start to pressure us to find someone to love like its there’s a job fair out there. Most of us give in to the pressure—doing our best to become as interesting as possible—while some of us just wait until they really find someone who matches their soul.
I’m already 25 and majority of my friends who know that I am single and experiencing a midlife crisis refer friends of them to me saying that maybe her friend and I could try being friends so we could explore the possibility of a romantic relationship. They send pictures, or short definition of a person to somehow make me interested. They say all the positive things they could say but not the negative ones because they say that it’s for me to explore.
Sometimes they refer a friend to us because they know that we are not most guys or you’re not like most girls who play with people’s feelings. Different people have different reasons and I know for sure that those are all for their good attempt to help. Don’t take it negatively when I say that most of the time, who they refer to us is someone broken. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that someone’s unlikeable when they’re broken, but they are just not someone who is fit to enter a relationship yet.
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We have to admit that sometimes, no matter how good our intentions are, our actions fail.
Why I Chose to Refuse Possibilities (For Now)
Our friends sometimes fail because they do not know that we’re still healing. They do not know that we’re still in the process of learning what we need to learn from our previous attempt to care for somebody and if we’re wise enough, we know that trying to date or to know someone when we didn’t know what we need to learn from our previous attempt to love will make the next relationship doomed to fail.
Think about this: Dating someone who’s healing or broken as you is like adding insult to your injury and also the other person’s injury. What sometimes complicate things, even more, is when a healed person dates someone who’s still healing. The healed party will surely get a scratch if he’s lucky or a cut large enough to become an issue if he invested enough and the one who’s still healing will surely get another wound that will further hurt her when things don’t work out. Some say that relationships that started this way can still work, but what are the odds? What are the odds of success if both of you have pasts that are not dealt with? It is like picking up a shattered vase and slamming it to the ground again. There will be more pieces to pick up for the next person who’s going to love the broken person again. More pieces that could also hurt those who will try to pick someone up and help them heal again.
Most of us say that it is okay to date while we’re healing but how did it become okay when innocent people who just want to unconditionally love somebody is being hurt? Not one of the people who is in their right mind wants to be the reason why someone is hurting, right?
Pain becomes contagious if not contained.
We will surely and we will still have baggage from our previous relationship even when the right one comes along, that’s for sure. But we need to understand that we need to learn from our mistakes first. Learning is not only knowing but also applying the wisdom that we were able to extract from what happened and part of it is not touching a healing wound because the infection is inevitable. All of us have been scarred enough to know that picking a healing wound will make the healing process longer than usual.
Are You Healed?
If you’re going to be really honest with yourself, do you think you’re healed? Like, really healed? If not, then, do not leave a trail of broken-hearted people out there. Do not let your emotions fool you, they are not factual. You already followed your heart before and it didn’t work, try leading it this time. Try bringing your heart to God for complete healing this time.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. —Psalm 34:18
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