Sweetness of pain

I really need to post this on my own, it will make me feel better.

Title: Sweetness of pain *i chose this title bc..

If you love them truly and genuinely care for them and all they need is some space, away from you, for now or forever, you will stay away. You will try your best staying away to get them back, but you will be happy for them and their happiness with or without you in their life, for you love them truly.

When I saw her feeling bad, I decided to stay away from her. I will continue to love her silently but don’t want to be close to her until she feels the same way or she gets married to the person she will love in the future. My love for her wouldn’t change and it is unconditional. Love is always unconditional. There is no past tense in love. Will always care for her and her happiness. What else would I need other than seeing her happy? I want that in my life. But if she is happy with someone else, it will sting me every single time to see her with someone else but I will still wish her to be happy. Above all, true love is selfless and wishing the best for the one you love. If it is meant to happen it will happen someday. Till then love in silence is way better. The heart always wants what it wants. It hurts. It hurts real bad. It stings. There is a pang in my heart every single time I think of her. I care for her that much and I love her that much. I experienced pinnacle of happiness when I’m with her, and now when she leave, I experience nadir of sadness. It really hurts because still I care, even though she’s with me or not. My heart will still care.
It wasn’t easy for her to let me go as well. Sometimes she leave because they can’t see you sad. She left me that way and I completely get her view on this. She cared for me as a real lover and I love her even more. It stings me and I feel how much it would have hurt her too. Little did she know that she was the one whom I genuinely love after my parents. I am still staying away for I want her to be happy. To be guilt free. I can’t see her sad any day. I know how much it stings, because we experience it. But I know how much it would hurt her too. I really care about her and her happiness still. That is what love and care is all about. If it was just distance and time that would make someone unlove, then love would be an easy thing. It isn’t. True love will never fade. It still stings but there is a sweetness in that pain and tears are more sweeter.

May be I love her way too much and pushed her away, but it is the only way I know to love her, because she still means the whole world to me. I really have that hope that she is happy and if at all she comes back, she will still be the only princess in my life. If at all everyday in life wanted to ask: “would you like to save today’s changes?” World would be an awesome place. But that’s what life is all about. We all make mistakes and we learn. But I still have that hope that I won’t lose her just because I care and love way too much. May be someday she will understand. LOVE is an emotion. You fall for someone, you don’t decide to fall or you don’t make a choice.
Love is unconditional, selfless, it makes me happy when I see her happy, I feel better with her, I truly care for her, her appearance doesn’t matter, perfection doesn’t matter, you can love them for what they are and what you are when you are with them.

It was really painful to let go of her, IT STILL IS PAINFUL. But I can’t see her sad any day. Especially if my feelings are genuine and I love her to the truest of my senses. It kills me everyday to realize that she doesn’t need me back. And even worse feeling is getting ignored. But I had to give it to her, *her space*, for I love her more and all I wish is for her to be happy atleast.

I’m sorry for strangling you with my true love.

I’m sorry when I love you unconditionally even after you wanted me to stay away and move on?

I’m sorry if my care appeared as pestering.

I’m sorry if my love appeared as torture.

I’m sorry if not moving on appeared as my weakness.

I’m sorry if not letting you go, appeared as stubbornness.

I’m sorry if I have ever made you fear by showing my vulnerability.

I’m sorry if I have ever made you freak out by showing my endless love 😢

I’m sorry if everything appeared to you as Whiny.

I’m sorry if everyone misled you that I whined when I was probably trying to be understood.

I’m sorry if my intentions of wanting to be understood appeared as prideless.

I’m really sorry.

It was all because I truly love you unconditionally. Even after you broke my heart a million times, those million pieces still love you to the truest of its senses. Because that is what love is all about. UNCONDITIONAL. But all I wanted to say to your deafening silence when you cut me off from your life, -staying away and no communication is never a solution to anything in life my love.
It is not that I didn’t accept that you don’t want me anymore in your life, but that I still love and care about you even though you can’t give me anything in return. It is not because I can’t move on or don’t want to move on, it is because my love for you is true.

I am not crying because it ended. But because I still love you. Even after you ended it and ignored me completely. Tears start rolling down my cheeks, when I guide your hair behind your ears ,in the old picture of yours*comguild at Ateneo. The moment when a picture speaks a thousand words. Every love story doesn’t have a happy ending, because TRUE LOVE doesn’t have an end.