Star Cinema’s latest offering, The How’s of Us (THOU), won the hearts of many as Daniel Padilla and Kathryn Bernardo upped their game and proved themselves to be real showbiz royalties. THOU easily became the highest grossing Filipino movie of all time after it earned a total of Php601 million throughout its stint in the movie houses.
THOU follows the story of Primo and George, a long-time couple who were trying to build their lives and future together until their relationship was put to the test by their personal issues and challenges.
Primo and George had to figure out the how’s of their relationship in order to save what’s left of them. The film revolved around these three questions:
How do we lose us?
How do we begin again?
How do we save us?
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How Do We Lose Us?
How can something so beautiful end up ugly and broken beyond repair?
This is the main trajectory of the love story of Primo and George. What started out as an ideal fairytale love story turned out to be a nightmare for the both of them. The challenges that they faced as a couple revealed their character flaws, pride, and insecurities.
Primo was an idealistic, rockstar wannabe who was trying to make a name for himself. Because Primo was so hell-bent at reaching for his dreams, he inadvertently failed in fulfilling his obligations to his family and to his relationship with George.
George, on the other hand, was too blinded by her emotions towards Primo that she forgot to take care of herself, build her own future, and pursue her own dreams to become a doctor and to help her family.
Maybe the reason why this movie resonated with many people is because THOU accurately reflected the reality that most people in a relationship go through. Enough with fairytale fantasies and too-good-to-be-ture romantic stories. THOU dealt with real life issues that couples normally face:
A man who fails to lead the relationship.
A woman who tries to be strong for her partner.
Broken promises.
Unmet expectations.
Bottled up frustrations.
Two people who used to be lovers finally calling it quits.
How do we lose us?
We lose when we enter into a relationship unprepared and at the wrong time.
We lose when we enter into a relationship with the motivation to be served, not to serve; to get, and not to give.
We lose when we prioritize ourselves more than the welfare of the person we’re in a relationship with.
We lose when, in the relationship, we fail to fulfill our unique roles. A man is supposed to lead, to serve, and to protect the woman. A woman is supposed to serve, support, and help the man succeed in his role as a man.
We lose when we expect the other person to fulfill all our needs and satisfy all our desires. He / she can’t, because heck, we’re all humans.
These are where Primo and George failed, and probably these are where many of us fail as well. No wonder why many relationships fall apart, because sometimes, we unknowingly use other people just to fill our needs and desires. And when these longings are not met, we walk away and look for someone else who can. The truth is, no human being can.
How Do We Begin Again?
While most movies of our time romanticize too much the idea that love conquers all, THOU went the opposite direction.
Because of all their problems and issues, Primo and George had to call it quits. George lashed out, vented out all of her pent up emotions, and drove Primo away. The latter obliged; Primo left and walked away from seven years of relationship — without a word, and without a proper closure.
That was probably the best thing that happened in the film.
Primo and George lost the battle when they tried to keep it together despite the fact that it was their misplaced devotion to one another that was pulling them down. They won, not because they stuck it out, but because they let go.
How do we begin again?
Before they could even begin again in their relationship, Primo and George had to begin again in rebuilding their own lives apart from one another. Letting go of their toxic relationship helped them grow as individuals. Primo was able to take care of his family. George was able to pursue her chosen career and help her family.
Primo: I lost you…
George: But we became better persons, didn’t we?
Sometimes, letting go is the only way to move forward in life. When we are wise enough to let go of people and things that are keeping us from growing, we will find that letting go doesn’t mean losing.
While the world is blinded by the fantasy that love is always about fighting together and winning together, it also pays to acknowledge that sometimes, there is wisdom in letting go.
Primo and George taught us that.
Letting go doesn’t always mean losing the fight. Sometimes, letting go is the only way to win, to save the relationship, and to keep the hope alive that someday, the two of you will meet again when you’re both ready and mature enough to lay down your lives for one another.
The things we hold dear, we must learn to hold loosely. Loose enough to let them grow; loose enough to allow God to work in each other’s lives; and loose enough to let go when the season calls for it.
The How’s of Us is a story of letting go.
Letting go of past hurts in order to forgive and to begin again.
Letting go of one’s pride and ego in order to learn new things and to grow more as a person.
Letting go of even our fairytale fantasies in order to learn what it really means to love.
How Do We Save Us?
Despite the rough journey that the couple had gone through, Primo and George’s love story still afforded a happy, tear-jerking twist in the end.
Towards the end of the film, we see Primo stepping up as a man to pursue George, to make up for his mistakes and shortcomings, and to look beyond his own desires and emotions. We see this when Primo sold his prized music records and agreed to sell their house in order to help George’s family. We also see this when Primo showed his willingness to respect George’s decision and gave her the space she wanted.
George, on the other hand, learned to open her heart once again, decided to forgive Primo and trusted him again.
How do we save a relationship between two imperfect and incomplete people?
Only this kind of love can save an imperfect relationship:
A love that never gives up.
A love that cares more for others than for self.
A love that doesn’t force itself on others.
A love that doesn’t boast.
A love that doesn’t keep score of the mistakes of others.
A love that puts up with anything.
A love that trusts God always.
A love that always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.
This is the How’s of Love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
And we can only give this kind of love when we experience it. You know how they usually say it? We cannot give what don’t have.
The good thing is, this kind of love was made available for us by God, so that all the Primo’s and George’s in the world — all of us humans who are imperfect, immature, and selfish — will be able to experience and share this love to our loved ones and to everyone around us.
“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”
(Romans 5:8 NLT)
