According to a pretty famous book, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And I would agree.
Despite being a church leader and pretty successful in my career, I have settled for a few unclear and undefined relationships in the past. Most are puzzled with this fact, but looking back, it all made sense. I didn’t really see my worth. My mentality was that I should take what I can get because guys who’d like me enough to date me don’t really come along so often. “I’m lucky that he tolerates me when he has many other choices.” That’s what I’d tell myself on nights when I’m jealous of a girl he talks to often (when I don’t have the right to be), when I’m sad that we can’t meet up cause he’s ‘busy’ (when I know that he’s likely just lazy to see me), and when I’m crying in bed cause I have to lie to myself and tell others that I’m not ready to commit (when in fact, I am just trying to match the level of attachment that the guy can give despite knowing deep inside that I want so much more).
Despite all the red flags that should make me decide to cut ties with guys who just string me along, I’d be there wrapped around their finger, thinking that I might not find someone else so this should do.
I was all set for a life of always just being an “almost” and an option. I vowed to defend complicated relationships with the excuse that people just didn’t get it.
That was until God by His awesome grace and timing gave me a special person.
Before initiating anything with me, he helped to settle what has been my big hurdle: my self-worth. Without any premature romantic intent, he made sure that I understand my worth in Christ & that I know that I deserve to be treated better.
It was all pretty new to me, but through constant reminders and thanks to God’s grace that covers even our terrible decisions, I learned to see my value in Jesus’ eyes. And that’s when it hit me: God has prepared for me someone who can give me the kind of love that I really deserve. I did not need to settle.
While I’m used to walking on eggshells and being unsure, the new person in my life is the total opposite. He waited for the right time so he can guard my heart & allow me to be detached from my entanglements, he clearly expressed his intentions so that I won’t have to be confused when someone asks me about our status, and he even talked to my family so that we won’t have to hide whenever we go out. He expresses his concern every day, he makes time to see me whenever he can, he assures me of his certainty about me, and he plans for our future. More than that though, he corrects me lovingly to help me grow, he always points me to Christ whenever I have anxieties or whenever we have misunderstandings, and he puts God above all–even me.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I realize now that it requires a step of faith to let go of things that aren’t really good for us and to make way for the kind of love we truly deserve–a love that is God-kind, which will give peace that transcends all understanding.
I usually regret the time I wasted on things I settled for, but eventually, I just end up thanking God instead for His grace to remove me from situations where I am short-changed and to bring me to a position where I am loved like how Jesus loves me.
If God can love us enough to give us His only Son, then we should understand that we definitely deserve an agape level kind of love.
To my person: Thank you for showing me that I deserve a love that’s pure and true, not because of personal merits but because I am the daughter of the King.
To ladies who are settling: Do not waste your time on something unsure. You deserve better because of how God sees you.
