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It had been 4 summers back when I haven’t written a letter to you. I’m counting July’s, August’s, and September’s.
I am wondering. How are you by the way?
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From the looks of you from the last time I visited your wall, I can say you’ve changed a lot. And you seemed mature. I can see how bright and warm your hazel brown eyes were. Your smiles were sweetly drawn to your lips with Her.
Though, I felt relieved. I sighed at the thought that there was not a seeking pain came across my chest from the looks of the both of you. There wasn’t any sign of that suffocating familiar pain. It became normal, I suppose. I already adopted the ‘new normal’ very well after you.
Going back to those blurred days. July came across and all I can think of was the collision of our stars in both foreign worlds we created, forbiddingly exist.
You warmed a stone-cold heart and weathered it into fragments I could no longer collect for they were in pieces you hold in your hand. Your touch marked deeply in me. You marked so much that you became my standard of a man that I shouldn’t have. From that, you made me a loser, a loner, and a messed-up woman. You tore something from me, but I never regretted it though. I have issues on my own that I should mend for myself alone.
Those days taught me so much. You rubbed salts in my wounded skin. You make me taste pain too much. It stinks every time I feel every fluid in my body. My heart throbs painfully every time it beats.
I was your mistake to strengthen your relationship.
The perks of being shit in a relationship.
It infuriates me that I am too alone for my being and all of you were having wide smiles in those picture-perfect poses. While, I remained stuck, unable to move a bit.
But time heals the wound.
It takes time, work and acceptance to keep me moving forward.
It’s part of the past now.
I was all blamed, shamed, and broke. But why would I embrace those? When I am not the one who started? When I am not the one in doubt? When I am not the one who broke commitment at all? When I am the one who fell after pushing them back together?
I’m no Tinkerbell but I can fix myself, boy. If it is not having you mean losing you to find me. So be it.
I may be your mistake, but I am right in my way of making your mistake. In the end, I will always be the one who can help myself out from the pit you dig for me.
P.S. Taylor Swift once said, “At least, I did one thing right. So call me what you want to.”
Your Dolce Amore