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2018 when I became toxic in myself. Being just like that in 2 years was one of the darkest experience in my life. Everything was a big deal to me that time. I always “mean” what people said towards me. I became a short tempered person. I don’t want to woke up in the morning. I made excuses just to make an absent on my work. I felt that the people I used to be with before does not want me to get along. I used to hide my feelings and just cry after all. I felt that the world doesn’t need me anymore. That I really don’t know what was the missing piece of me. I always asked myself “Anong kulang?”. I was so desperate to have a relationship before kase yun yung akala ko kulang sakin. And when it didn’t happen, I became so hard to myself and complained all the insecurities and negativity in me. I thought people don’t care about me anymore. I was so close-minded that time to the point that the only thing I believe in was I am a weak, ugly and not enough person for them.
Until one day, I’m tired of it.Tired of being alone. Tired of falling inlove. Tired of complaining the things I don’t have. Step by step I choose to be in the other way around even if it is so hard. I started to choose “THE RIGHT WAY” just to save myself from drowning. I started to delete and unfollow every negative posts in social media. I started listen to motivational and happy songs. I even read inspiring quotes and true to life stories about their success. I started loving myself and become happy again. I love my life because God give me this opportunity to live and become to be a better person. I never complained anymore thus, I always thank God for the blessings how small or big it was. Now, I focus myself to the people who always there for me. I accepted the fact that things were not the same anymore. I am not searching for love because I believe that God will give me the real man who will pursue and fight for me, in the right time and when I am heal and ready. That the happiness I asked before is already answered by now.
Life is not easy as we want it to be. But we have choices to become the better version of ourselves. We have our family and the people around us who truly care for us. We have our minds to fight for the loneliness and focus on the positive side of life. We have our hearts to love ourselves. And most important thing is, we have GOD who will guide and love us unconditionally.
So if you ever read this, it’s not too late. Please choose the better version of yourself.
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