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While staring into the pink moon tonight, I remember how your eyes twinkles whenever you smile. The sound of the wind blowing through the trees reminds me how your voice is like that I’ll never get tired of listening. And as the night gets deeper, I realize I have to face the reality…
“YOU’RE NOT MINE TO KEEP.”
I remember we used to have conversations all night talking about the things we’re unable to say during the day. I felt so special we could get to enjoy each other’s company. We spent moments together and it made me feel what it’s like to have someone to spend every tick of the clock. We made memories together. And as we were spending more time together back then, I fell in love with you..
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I wanted to tell you I love you, we became distant. Somehow, we stopped having those conversations where we could share each others day. Somehow, we stopped spending time together.
You’re already hated me. You were so angry with me. I made you feel this way. I created the hatred that you felt. The disgust, that akward feeling when I’m with you. The harsh reality that breaks me into pieces. It’s what kept me away now. I don’t want to force myself, yet I never wanted to destroy someone’s point of view in love.
Instead of ruining what you have now, I’ll just love you, I will continue to love you. It’s enough for me to see you smile, I’ll be happy to hear you laughing, even if I’m not the reason. I’ll be happy to see you everyday, even if you’re not mine to keep. I’ll never take you away from your happiness. Even if I have to give up my own, you, I would, for you.
After all, loving does not mean ownership. I read somewhere that the capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. Just because I love you, that doesn’t mean having you is a necessity. Your happiness is what matters to me most. So I choose to let go knowing that you can never find it in me. I don’t have the courage to tell you the real me.
Tonight and every night that will pass me by, the thought of us unable to be together rips me. Like shards of glass being pierced through my skin. But even with all these pain,I’ll still love you secretly forever, that once in my life, I had the most beautiful feeling and memory (my almost mine)
L****
