To begin with.. total strangers
Not giving a heed, thinking you’re a life’s passer-by
Just as I thought it was nothing,
I caught myself grappled with my own feelings.
The moment you entered in my realm
Gave me chills from within
The connection that I felt
Made me open up for real..
Yes! I thought it was real..
I felt it was real.
Was it real.?

It was surreal. Almost perfect.
Things happened so fast,
And before I knew it,
you haulted and declare its ending

One day, you were silent
My weary heart exclaimed and seek for grounds to comprehend
It took me by surprise as you broke that deafening silence with a note of goodbye…
” I hate to say it, but I guess it won’t work.”
” I love you so much but I’m letting go.”
” With a heavy heart, goodbye.”
Words much identical with a knife repeatedly stabbed direct into my heart.
Anguished and tormented, I refused to give up and chose to fight
It was far from perfect
It was too early to cease
Too early to succomb in despair
You told me it won’t last
Despite all that, the voice in my heart
Clamps on a slim hope of love
For a moment, with vast effort and will to understand,
You stayed. Atleast for a while..
Life brought us to the same cycle in no time.

“Love I guess this is the time we end it.”
“It’s also painful in my part to let you go but I guess it’s for the best”

I wish I found the strength to hold on.
But I was weak on the second time
I was exhausted, drained and desperate.
The only word I replied was
“okay”

I told myself to gave up. He thought it’s for the best.
Well, probably.
Fighting that time has no guarantee of anything
If I hold on, would it make him stay even just for a lifetime?
If I choose him over myself, will he chose me as well?
If I hang on, will I be able to hang on until the end?
Until what extend?

Knowing myself, I seldom question my capability especially when it comes to the people I love.
Imagine the CoViD-19 crisis, my worries for my family, overwhelming struggles at work, with this heartache, confusion and thoughts running in me.
I felt I was in my lowest.

Not quite long enough, I made a decision.
I still chose him over me.
The answers for all those questions is still, YES.
Everyday, I let him know I am just where he left me.
I tried comforting him with words.
Too bad, I can’t run into him. The crisis was in between.
I was turned down several times.
And I realized I was the one pushing and pulling the knife causing myself to bleed and loss my senses.

One day, I found myself praying. For strength, wisdom and healing.
I got a way to express my emotions inderectly.
I felt I was slowly getting better. The surrounding and the situations around me had slightly loosen up a bit.
Then, he asked to bid farewell in person.
I was hesitant. But, I followed my heart.
That day was heartbreaking for me. I’ve known me for crying over pity things yet that day, there was no tears to cry. I fell short of courage to speak out the things I longed to say.

I wish my love was enough
Enough to pull you out of the darkness
Enough to make you feel safe and sound in my presence.
Enough to let me in to your world.
Enough to give you strength to fight your battles.
Enough to give you hope.
Enough to make you realize, it is okay to fight your battles with someone. A cheerleader perhaps
Indeed, “sometimes love just aint enough”
I wish it was.

Maybe it was really not the right time for us.
I wish for a chance for us to live again.
I wish to meet you again.
With high hopes of that lifetime to be the right time for us.

Until then..

I wish you well.
And remember, you’ve got a friend in me.