It started as a small drizzle that came almost unnoticed, short and fast – unexpected. The drizzle continued to shower down but still, I ignored it. It’s just a light rain, it wouldn’t affect me. That’s what my impression of you, a drizzle I that will end shortly. You were someone that I am not supposed to be bothered about. I admit that I find you cute the first time I saw you, but just like a drizzle, I didn’t gave my attention to you.
Days and weeks past and that drizzle started to become a rain. I don’t have an umbrella to keep me dry and so I ended up soaked by your pouring rain. Yes, I was not able to guard and shield my heart from the times that you smiled, you asked about lunch, you joked around, and said my name. I was unguarded because I didn’t expect that you’ll shower me that kind of attention when I know that I don’t stood out in a crowd, when I am someone no one gives a care about.
And here comes the part when I enjoyed the rain, the time when I cannot stop myself from wanting to be near you. I cannot stop myself from thinking about you. I learned to appreciate the rain that was you. The drizzle that I once ignored is now the rain I always anticipate. I anticipated our every interaction, our morning conversations – our times together.
That rain flooded me with so many emotions, I thought I’ll never feel again. But, just like flashfloods, these emotions are dangerous. It will sweep away all the courage I’ve mustered not to fall for the same mistakes I made in the past. It might leave me devastated and wrecked – broken. The rain that I once enjoyed is now a storm that I am afraid of.
I am afraid to be drowned to you. Why wouldn’t I? When I know that there is a low chance of surviving through your storm. There might be no rainbow and sunshine after but a disastrous aftermath instead. How am I supposed to get through it? How can I manage to pick up the debris that you will leave behind after? It took me years to fix myself from the last time I gave my heart away. I am afraid that you will also neglect it and leave it broken afterwards like how storms leave lands in the end.
