Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

To the guy who broke my heart and admitted he regret doing it; this is for you.

You told me you understand my pain. You said that you’ve experienced it yourself. But I know deep in my heart, no one can ever comprehend the depth of pain I was going through the day you decided to break my heart. It riveted me – disabled me to move forward. It somehow paralyses me. It made my heart callous and numb for forgiveness. And just as you thought the damage can be fixed by a sincere apology, it didn’t. And I think it won’t. The damage is too deep. My heart is too shattered to understand and to forgive – but you tried anyway. All along I thought everything will be okay. I gave in to the idea that we can fix it. That we are strong and everything will go back to how they were as long as we try our hardest. But we failed. I remember how frustrated we both were at each other. I remember the words and accusations made when emotions clashed as we both witness how pride built a wall between two people who considered each other as the closest of friends. It was tragic and heartbreaking to realize that the friendship that we built for years ended on a 25-minute phone call. I was devastated, and ashamed of my brokenness.

Who is to blame? I didn’t hesitate to point my index finger at you not realizing that the rest of my fingers were pointed back at me. But I wasn’t ready to let go. I was the victim. I demand to be heard. I demand that you take responsibility for my brokenness. But it made the pain more unbearable. My heart break all the more. I felt alone. I felt that no one understand what I was going through. I isolated myself, and promised not to trust anyone. Not again. Not after what happened.

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But truth came almost unexpectedly. This truth shed light to the dark cellars of my heart. I was drunk with my own pride and self-entitlement. I didn’t realize that I place too much expectations on the both of us. I painted you an image of perfection. As the scales on my eyes were slowly falling off, I realize that as you were breaking my heart, God is breaking an image of an idol in it as well. An idol that will make it impossible for me to please God and serve Him wholeheartedly. An idol that will prevent me to see what God is about to do as He lead me to His calling for my life. An idol that God promised to crush just so His will be done. It cost me a broken heart to see God for who He truly is. The real lover of my soul Who can be relentless in breaking me so that I will be made whole again.

So now, I can finally say that I understand and that I am finally ready to let go. Let go of the pain you caused me. Ready to let go of the past that gave me insecurity and uncertainty. Ready to release you with forgiveness in my heart knowing that His ways are higher and those who put their trust on Him will never see shame. Truly, “for those who love God, all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28). I am ready to anchor my whole trust to the God who relentlessly fought for my heart. And I will trust my future in His hands with complete confidence that His will is always, good, pleasing and perfect. I will no longer be ashamed to be called broken because Jesus took my brokenness and made it beautiful.

Send me the best BW Tampal!

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