Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
Do not lead the guy. Never. Well, unless you feel the need to.
I am sure there was one time in your life when you thought and felt that someone likes you. However, you were unsure because he never said he does. It was a feeling caused by mixed signals — constant communication, exchange of ideas, sending of pictures, and a little of sweet and caring messages.
When all of that started, you knew it is not the typical way of building friendship.
You knew from that day he did something unusual, there was something you could not figure out. Something a friend would not do. Something was different with how he treated you. ‘There must be something,’ your intuition said. Your heart started to feel more. Your lips started to curve widely. Your eyes started to twinkle. The butterflies started to move in your stomach.
It went on for several days, weeks, months, years. Something was growing, but you could not point out what was it. What was important to you was you were both okay and happy with whatever you have.
Everything felt deeper and you knew then, that it was the end of you.
One day, you woke up feeling anxious. You thought to yourself, “what is this?” “what are we?” “does he like me?” Until you realized it was time for some clarity.
Slowly you were trying to lead the guy to verbalize his feelings towards you. You were kind of helping the guy to confess something he was not even sure about. You asked questions you should not be asking. You were already making a move for the guy with the hope that he would fall in your trap. And little by little, he drifted away.
Just when you demanded for clarity, everyting went blurry.
You were left questioning yourself, “what went wrong?” You were okay. You were sure there was something, but he could not just say it. He was just needing a little push, you thought,so you did. But what happened? Just when you pushed him, he pulled himself away.
Now, let me tell you this. The moment you felt he liked you, but did not express it, was already a sign for you to either not invest too much or expect too much. Because a guy who is not verbalizing his feelings towards you and is not giving you the clarity you deserve, is a guy who is unsure of you. I know it hurts big time! But you heard it right. HE IS UNSURE OF YOU.
His uncertainty is unintentionally giving you signals that should not be perceived as ‘something’. Let’s say he does like you. Yes, he does, but it is not enough to pursue you. And you should never lead him when he is not ready just yet.
To them, it may feel like you are in a rush, while they are taking things slow.
To them, it may feel like you are more into them. (Note: You should never let a guy feel that you are more into him. That makes the challenge easy.)
There is nothing wrong with not being ready yet; with demanding clarity. But, sometimes we have to learn how not to give meanings to things especially if the other party did not have a clear articulation of how he feels. Wait for a guy to be ready for you. If he likes you, he would tell you. Do not not invest too much time and emotion until he’s ready to reciprocate it.
A guy who is ready and is willing to pursue you will not wait for you to demand for clarity because he will give it to you even without him being asked.
A guy who is sure about you will not make you feel like he isn’t. He will be vocal about how he feels for you and will not make you second guess.
A guy who does like you will be a man and will say, “I like you and I will pursue you.”
No ifs. No buts. Always remember: Clarity should be freely given and not asked, unless necessary.