You made me experience things without your knowledge
I used to think that break ups and moving on stories are completely exaggerated in movies
Well it turned out to be not
Just by hearing your name hurt me enough
I felt suffocated
Having a glimpse of your photo is making me week
I lost interest in the middle of watching which I have obsession with
Your face is the first time I saw with different strangers
Maybe because when we parted ways, I also started to seek you from one person to another
To be frank, I no longer feel that dager in my chest when your name is mentioned
Or when I hear sad and relatable stories
Even advices that slap me in the face don’t hurt me anymore
But instead I felt sad, extremely sad but not depressed
Later, it turned to be hate
I started to avoid your name
I don’t want to see updates of you
It doesn’t feel right anymore
I thought that will be the end
But I was mistaken
Out of the blue you sent an afternoon greeting
It was so unexpected that I couldn’t compose a reply
Not long after you sent another message
It was a favor
Suddenly you asked me to go through our old conversations to find your old mail account
I was taken a back and unfortunately I already deleted everything
I felt hesitant to say it because I know the conversation will end
I felt stupid and started to blame myself on why I couldn’t remember anything
I started to give suggestions just to keep the conversation going
I even forget that I was sending you messages there
I was so stupid and dumb, what was I thinking
And again the conversation ended with me being one of those unseenzoned messages
And when you’ve seen and reacted to my last reply, I felt thankful and boastful
I know it was weird
And come to think of it
That was the first time you message me first after years
You used to send me messages continuously even if I ignored it
You kept talking to yourself because I’m offline most of the time
Just like that, my feeling got stirred up once again
I am back to level one
Hoping that we still have a second chance
Wondering if I should wait for you or not
Confused with what to do
Even if I know you have someone new.