Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
6 months ago, the most constant person in my life for two and a half years chose to leave me – – for someone else. My world was shattered because I lost not only a boyfriend, but also a CLOSE FRIEND… The person I trusted my life with. And today, I remember how it started and realized why it ended.
I WAS GHOSTED. Ghosting is the easiest way to let the other person down in this time and age. The message gets across (or lack thereof). You see, I never had a closure. I just accepted the fact that I am not worth an explanation… I don’t even deserve a better goodbye.
So here’s how I rebuild myself when there were no pieces left to pick up (or simply, how I moved on without closure):
1. FORGIVE AND BE THANKFUL
Forgive the ex that didn’t reach out. This was the hardest but the first thing I did when he left me. I just chose not to hate him. I mean, how can I be mad at someone who just wants the best for himself and his happiness? They say the opposite of love is hate, but for me, it’s APATHY. So just forgive and give thanks for what they contributed in your life.
Forgiving your ex is just as important as forgiving yourself. You also need to forgive yourself to fully start healing.
2. CRY AND DRINK BOOZE (with caution)
I cried A LOT – – EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I cried in front of my clients, at work, when I don’t like the food, if the song “Kathang Isip” plays wherever I’m at, to name a few.
There will always be a day when I’ll be out and get drunk with my friends – – a good support system is a MUST as you need fresh eyes to see things clearly (and to stop you from contacting your ex!).
3. FOCUS ON PERSONAL GROWTH
I distanced myself as much as I can, as far as possible. I avoided the places we used to go to – – I can’t even eat at my favorite restaurants cos it reminds me of him. Movie houses were off limits for me as we used to watch movies almost every week. It was tough, but distraction and avoidance helped me moved on with my life easily. I started a new routine that doesn’t involve him.
3rd month of my breakup I heard from a mutual friend that he is SO HAPPY with his new love. That was my wake up call that I needed to pull myself together ASAP. So I decided to hit the gym. I enrolled to a newly opened gym on that same day, one that is FAR from where I live. But hey, breakup is the BEST MOTIVATION. I took the shot and I’m glad I did!
I also learned a few things. Tried doing things I don’t normally do. I started reading books again.
4. TRAVEL AS MUCH AS YOU CAN
I spent 3 consecutive months going in and out of the country not just to shop, but for a new environment for me to BREATHE. It did take my mind off things. Made me see the world still has so much to offer.
This is THE most effective and MOST IMPORTANT step. I prayed and prayed anytime, anywhere. I prayed for all the good and bad things that happened between us to stop hurting me. I prayed for MY healing. I prayed for his happiness. I prayed for me to understand God’s will. Even if it hurts.
The way they leave things with us is the closure itself. How he consistently chose everyday to not be with me is a powerful closure.
We could have been together for 3 years tomorrow. I fixed him, but he broke me – – and that’s okay. Maybe my part in his journey has already ended and we can no longer be the best for each other if we stayed.
So this is me saying, thank you for leaving me. I might have destroyed myself in the process trying to save us, if you did not leave me. I can confidently say now that I am fine without you.
…but I still wish you well.