Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
Forgiving is one of the hardest things to do in life. Sino bang nagsabi na madali mag-patawad? Imagine someone na ginawan ka ng mali and morality dictates na you just forgive him/her. We may think na unfair yun for us, diba? But I also believe that forgiving is one of the biggest things that could give us peace.
You can forgive even though the other party does not ask for it. We don’t just forgive for the person who did us wrong, but also for us to have peace. So regardless kesyo humingi sya ng tawad or not, we should forgive.
3 Tips on how to forgive
While you are busy reading this article, try mo rin makinig sa episode namin:
First is that you have to separate the action from the person who did it.
Don’t focus dun sa person, focus ka dun sa mistake. Try to think it this way, kung hindi nya ba ginawa yung mistake na yun magagalit ka ba? Diba hindi? It only shows na hindi tayo galit dun sa tao per se but dun sa mistake na ginawa nya. So, Condemn the action not the person. Sabi nga nila, love the sinner but hate the sin.
Don’t rob them the chance to change and be a better person.
Second, empathize with them, try to put yourself in their shoes.
Remember hurting people hurts people, so if someone does something bad to us, they might be scared or hurting.
Meron laging motive and back stories kung bakit ba nila nagawa ang mga ganitong mistakes, we don’t know baka may nagprovoke lang sa kanya nung time na iyun , maybe they are going through their personal problems, baka naman ikaw din, may nagawa kang mali kaya nya nagawa yun or any other reasons. And if we understand bakit ba nila nagawa yun, it will be easier for us to forgive them. Kasi naiintindihan mo eh, GETS?
Third is you have to set boundaries.
Kung hindi sila close sayo cut them off. Forgiving does not give you or them the right para maging connected pa kayo sa isa’t isa na as if walang nangyari. Again, cut them off.
It will be healthier for you if you to distance yourself to them. This is to prevent the possibility na maulit yung mistake. Also, this a good opportunity for them to reflect on what they did wrong. Maybe who knows, decides to change and be a better person.
Remember, forgiving takes time. Wag mo madaliin, if you’re still angry then go. Lahat ng nafifeel mo ay valid. You don’t expect someone to act as if nothing happened right after ginawan sila ng mali. It is part of our human nature na magalit. And kung nasaktan ka. Feel it, damahin mo yung pain kasi PAIN DEMANDS TO BE FELT and kung itatago mo yun, remember that PAIN TENDS TO LINGER and the more you keep it, the more painful it gets. The moment you overcome these feelings, you’ll be able to think straight and be reasonable. Forgiving is a process, hindi sya agad agad.
When it comes to forgiving, it is harder to forgive ourselves. Why? Kasi meron tayong expectations sa sarili natin, yet we allow these things to happen. Lagi natin sinisisi sa iba kasi sila yung gumawa nung mali kaya galit tayo or nasasaktan tayo.
Pero kanino ba talaga tayo galit? Ask yourself, are you really mad with the person who did you wrong or you’re mad at yourself for allowing it to happen? Kapag nasagot mo na ito, magiging clear na sayo kung sino ba yung dapat mong i-forgive, sya o ang sarili mo?
If you’ve come to a realization na ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ay hindi mo pa napapatawad, apply those tips to yourself. Try to reflect and acknowledge your mistakes. But don’t be too hard on yourself. Yes, pwede ka magalit. Yes, pwede ka masaktan and lahat ng feelings na iyan ay valid.
Here’s my opinion dun sa sikat na saying “Forgive and forget”. Yes, it is important for us to forgive because it will bring us peace and happiness. But don’t forget, kasi forgetting means disregarding the whole act, the whole mistake that they did to us.
Because we can only learn from the lessons that those experiences bring if we acknowledge that those people exist. Therefore, I don’t believe that if we forgive, we should also forget. Because if we constantly forgetting those mistakes, chances are maaabuse tayo.
So, if you’re ready to forgive. DO IT NOW!!!