As a growing person, I always feel awkward whenever people talk about their love life. Some are happy, some are regretful, and some are victims of cheaters.
Hearing different stories, I empathize with victims and despise cheaters. No one deserves to be cheated on, right?
Of course! No one does. And I guess it’s time to reveal my love story I’ve been hiding for years.
I Hid my Lover’s Identity
I never shared that I’m in a relationship because I fear a lot of things: the unsolicited opinions and judgment of others. I hid in shame.
Well, my lover was so patient. He knew I wasn’t yet ready to reveal our relationship.
But I know he was deeply hurt.
I sensed that he badly wants to show the world how much he loves me, but I’m not yet ready for the world to know.
I Didn’t Trust My Lover
I always get appreciation messages from him everyday. He would tell me how beautiful I am and affirm my abilities. He was that one every girl would dream of.
However, I struggled to believe his words and still believed lies.
I Wasn’t Committed
I always say that I love him, but you know what?
I never made him my priority.
I would only talk when I needed someone to listen to me.
And he did, but I never listened to him.
I Just Used Him
He was always there to help, but I chose to do things my way.
I’d just ask for help when I have no choice, even if I’m half-hearted.
And to make things worse, I never gave him credit because I wanted to keep our relationship a secret.
I Never Loved Him Fully
I only listened to him when I wanted to, when it favors me.
But I was never satisfied with what he’s giving me.
Secretly, I craved for the affection and attention of others. I know he knew about this, but he still loved me the same.
The time came when our relationship became one way.
Finally, I decided to end everything between us, and be with someone else.
I Never Deserved Him, and He Never Deserved Me
I never wanted to admit this, but yes, I cheated on my lover.
And my next statement will make you throw stones at me.
I just want to come back.
My life became a mess. My succeeding relationships broke not only his heart, but mine. I cheated on him, but I also cheated on myself.
I was devastated. I was depressed.
And I badly need to come back.
And to my lover, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry.
Despite all my shortcomings, I still hope you will forgive me.
I’m sorry for causing so much pain in your heart. I realized that your efforts are too much, but I never appreciated them.
I know deep in your heart, you still love me. You still want me.
I just want to come back, not because I need you, but because I want you and I love you.
You were my everything, and you still are…
…Jesus.
