Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
Friends kept on asking me how to move on and I always answer them with “There is no such process we should follow for us to fully move forward from pain and heartache. There may be a process but it is unknown and it’s the challenge for us to know…”
Moving on is not a 30-day workout challenge or even a 7-day meal plan guide which you can just follow and will be finished in a short span of time. This breakthrough in your life may take a short or a long process but for me, it really takes time.
Since the process is unknown, I’ll just put here insights into how I find out the process.
Never be desperate moving on. Relax and endure the pain.
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Many people were too desperate moving on. They always insist that they should move on as soon as possible from heartache, from a person who cheated on them or just from a terrible and unexpected thing that happened. Do not be desperate for it will just make the process at worst. You have to relax. For me, crying is just relaxing yourself. Cry for as long as you still have tears falling down because time will come that a single tear won’t fall anymore. Trust that you will know the process just until you finally moved on.
Nevermind other people but be sensitive.
There are people who hide themselves from their friends just because they are in pain and want to move forward in life. In this case, I totally understand them. Well, there are also people who choose to be with their friends more frequent than to stay at home alone. Others might judge us for our choices in life but it is ourselves at the end of the day that will be in charge of our own happiness. Not paying attention doesn’t mean that you may hurt them in any way possible. Always be sensitive and aware of what our actions are.
Make yourself busy and do what you love.
Making ourselves busy is actually an easy escape from pain. To be busy doesn’t mean you’ll be a toxic person. This kind of being busy will help you lessen the weight of your baggage. What I’m trying to explain is to make yourself busy for activities that will help you know yourself more. If you are a frustrated artist, try to engage yourself in art workshops. Maybe you have the passion for dancing, enroll yourself in dancing lessons. Wants to travel and artistic at the same time? Create crafts, sell it and save for your dream vacation. These are just options you may try to make yourself busy for quite some time while doing things you love. You will not only maximize your time but you’ll also learn to know what you badly want.
It takes time. Focus on what matters to you first.
As I’ve said earlier, do not be desperate and do not rush yourself. You will be annoyed and will be out of focus because your mind will tend to think of things that are irrelevant. For me it really takes time. IN my case it takes almost four years to finally be free from pain. Yes, it is, four years. During that “four-year-moving-on-process”, I focused more on what really matters. For that, I finished college and fvcking enjoyed it. Now, I am free from pain, enjoying life and always caffeinated.
Trust God’s Plan for us.
I remember a homily that the priest said (non-verbatim) “Nakaplano na ang lahat bago pa man tayo mabuhay sa mundo”. I won’t ever forget that. Everything is God’s plan for us. We people are in different phases of our lives right now but we are all equal. We have our own struggles in life and maybe, moving on is just a part of it. At some point, we are asking him why are we having this kind of life — a life full of pain, challenges and frustrations but we never see the bright side of our lives. The bright side I’m referring are the little things we don’t see. They are our understanding parents, our supportive friends, the job we have right now, the barista who has a sweet smile serving your favorite coffee, the tricycle driver who always ride us home safely, etc.. It is his plan that maybe we should undergo searching the unknown process of moving on because the person is not the one destined for us. It is his plan for us not to dig into pain but to see more of what we want in our life. It is his plan maybe because he is just preparing us for the person of our prayers— the person who will keep, respect and love us who is guided by his grace.
Stay in pain until you have love yourself and accept God’s plan for you.