My Almost Closed Wounds

I remember the last time I saw your face, it was so clear to me. That time when I was standing at your door, looking so sad wishing we could at least reconcile, fix things and just forget we hurt each other. I was so young back then, I was 24. I didn’t know how to save our relationship. I couldn’t stand the feeling of seeing you so disappointed when the only thing I can remember was the look of someone who was so in-love with me. I wish I stayed a bit longer, just a little bit that maybe I was able to say something. Something that would change your decision of leaving me. I stood in front of you, looking down, I couldn’t even barely look at your face. I couldn’t even talk, I don’t know what happened. I promised to myself before I went to your place, that when I see you I’ll fix things but what happened? Why I freaking froze at the moment I had my only chance? Why didn’t I talk? Bullshit. I regret it. I regret that I didn’t even said a single word. Or even said I love you. I was frozen. And I couldn’t even forgive myself of giving you up. I was torn between respecting your decision and asking you to forgive me and start all over again. I hurt you. I know. I didn’t have a proper closure with you or even with myself. I keep on fighting my mind which keeps on rewinding and rewinding the past with you. Heaven knows how badly I wanted to let you go. I prayed so hard to finally free myself from coming back to you always. Why is it so hard to forget you? Why? After all the hurtful things we said to each other, after you broke my heart, I still have this habit of dreaming that one day you’re coming back. Why? Why do I keep on staying where you left me? Why it was so damn easy for you to let go? I will be brutally honest now, I wish you’re still that guy back then. I wish you still love me. I wish you somehow forgive me. And I wish you’d come back because honestly, for more than 3 years now, my feelings for you never left me.