It’s been years since she felt this way and here she goes again. She locked her self in a four cornered room, appreciating the beauty of darkness where it gives comfort to her bleeding heart and helpless life. Right now, she’s certain that all she wanted to do is to get lost and never come back. She always dreamt of a place where nobody would judge her of her failures. A place where nobody would tell her she’s not enough. A place where she could rest her mind and heart. She fakes her smiles though all she wanted to do was to be drowned in her tears. She encourages people to pursue things that makes them happy because she definitely knows how it feels not to. She stays kind because she knows how painful it is to be treated unfairly. She is this woman whose life seems so perfect to everybody else but little did they know she wanted to be gone and forgotten.
And now here she is, thinking about her life and why’s.
She was and always that girl so bubbly. Everywhere she goes she leaves a smile in everyone’s face. She was definitely a ball of sunshine, passing on positivity and good vibes. She was once this little girl who enjoys sitting and rolling on that valley that brought her endless and joyful memories. She never thought life would be this hard, harder than she never imagined.
And so, she got out of her comfort zone, went somewhere she called her place of wilderness. It was a whole new place. She wasn’t ready for what that place could turn her for. When she left, all that she wanted was to ease that pain of rejection and judgement. She wanted to escape, run away from all disappointments, failures and mistakes. She caused too much trouble and made others life miserable just because of her existence. So she thought that was the best decision she could ever make in her whole life. She didn’t turn back and did it anyway.
She went on with a life away from people she loves the most. She has begun to live a life so different from the way people see it. In her own perspective it was the life she always wanted. A life away from all negativities. But little did she knew, it was a life of isolation.
A once joyful and bubbly girl turned to an “all by myself” woman. She got used and loved being in the dark. That darkness gave her assurance of a bright tomorrow. She always gaze upon how God wonderfully created the dark. She might have spent too much time wandering but she was always assured of the light coming through at the end.
Her shattered self teaches her how to live life to the fullest. A life to the fullest in a divine perspective. She don’t need any praises from people around her because she knows in the eyes of her Savior she is valued. She doesn’t have to live a life of perfection because she knows that even in her imperfections she is still loved. She no longer live to please people because she knows that God alone deserves it.
In the midst of her shattered life she has been brave. She fought a battle and gained victory. A victory against her evil thoughts and deeds. It was a long journey but she made it. Her cry wasn’t in vain. She was rescued and delivered.
And now, from being shattered to a fullness of life. She is beautifully living it. She is assured that wherever life takes her she will no longer live a life full of regrets but a life full of thanksgiving. And as she looks back a very uplifting word reminds her. She was once scared but she has always been assured that even if she walks through the valley of death she will fear no evil. She was and always be comforted by the rod and staff of the one who always goes with her. And that is God.❤