These puddle of confusions drowns me to sleep.
I didn’t know how to convince myself that I should accept the fact that I was also part of your confusion. I was part of your questions or something that adds to the pile of your heavy guilt. It was the time where everything that I used to heal myself from suddenly emerged from my skin to remind me that I still landed on the same fate.
You knew the story behind why I was so guarded. I made sure that I won’t attract the ones who will not love me the same way I loved them. But you gave me the feeling of being home and asked me to take a risk with you.
I did because I thought it was going to be a perfect place that would help me fall in love with life again.
I wanted me to take a risk hoping you could hide your true colors in your closet. And I understand because it’s never easy coming out when you were met with sharped eyes and indistinct acceptance.
But deep inside I wished I never let myself fall harder not because you’re someone I never pictured you to be but because I know that you only wanted me to be there because you are looking for someone and a reason to end all questions and doubts.
After all, the reason for all of these heartaches
was because I thought you wanted me to be there with you
because you love me. but I was wrong.
Maybe you only needed me. That’s all.
