I don’t have stable feelings. I constantly and quickly change my feelings towards a potential significant other. I am quickly rushing the “one” that I would be with forever.

Joseph was one of these people. He’s special because he’s the first person that I actually liked and took interest in. I am usually that boyish girl you see in your classroom. We met when we were classmates in high school. We bonded because we like a particular artist, we shared about what books we read, and also some new music. He knew that I liked him because I told him during my birthday. He said that nothing will change and that we’ll still be friends. He lied. We didn’t talk until today and it’s already been seven years.

Bryan became a best friend of mine. He was interested in Kpop and I wasn’t. The next thing I knew, I was in love with the genre and then our friendship grew. He was the college sweetheart. He didn’t go to the boyfriend level. He didn’t say goodbye too when he knew. He just straight up ignored me and proceeded to live his life. I’m just watching him from a far. We graduated college and took a very awkward photo together. I unfriended him on Facebook, unfollowed him on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, because I was bothered by his presence, even in social media… it constantly reminded me of our ruined friendship. All because of me. Haha.

Carlo was no different. We were best friends in the chorale group. He knew I liked him and he was okay with it. He showered me with affection and “loved” me as I deserved. I didn’t know I deserved the hurting too. In between his subtle flirting with me, suddenly he was in a relationship with another officer at church that despised me. It resulted with him breaking his friendship with me and when his now girlfriend tried to spread rumors about me, he sided with her.

Right now, I like someone again. He also knows that I like him and again, he said it’s okay with him. Luis better be the last one. I’m so done with all of this. If this does not work out, I’m entering the convent.