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I am so glad to know you. You make me happy like no other that you became my happy pill. All of the times that we talked to each other I will surely cherished it deep inside my heart.
I never thought that I would fall for you. You are not my type, yet your soul captures mine. You are so kind, gentle, God-fearing and loving. You can love everyone wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. You are selfless and an obedient child to your parents. You never complained in everything that you do even though it is already tiring you. I like everything about you. The way you walk, the way you smile, the way you become awkward in some situations. Your voice is like a lullaby that calms me every time. You might not like it within yourself, but I like your “chubby” body built, it makes me want to cuddle you. I like the way you pull a corny joke, the way you just listen to my rants and problems even though you had a stressing day. The way you do small things for me like including me in your weekly novena; I like the way you ensures me that everything will be fine. I like the way you update me where you are, who you are with, even though I am not asking you to; the way you explain your side whenever your reply delayed in my texts or chats. The way you always Honor GOD in every situation be it good or bad. I love how you were able to see and be positive in all of the situations. At some point you became like my sunshine, my lamp, my flashlight, my rainbow, my cup of morning coffee, you gave me courage.
I thank God for letting me experienced all of these things. You made me feel that I am also a lady that even though I look like strong and independent, I too, needs to be taken care of. You made me realized that I am also capable of loving someone. For 24 years of existence in this world, this is the first time I ever felt this way towards someone. You became one of my important person. You make me see things in different perspective. But like any other story, everything comes to an end.
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I do not know how things started to change; maybe it was my fault for not praying for our relationship or friendship. I always prayed for you, but it was never a prayer for our friendship. I also have my wrong decisions that somehow affected our situation. My fear of losing you comes to fruition.
Your 3 times a day texts reduced to once a day until it subsides and end. You stop sending your daily “kumusta? Ingat ka, Fighting! God bless dyaaaan” message. Somehow I wanted to know if you are still mentioning me in your prayers. I wanted to ask you what went wrong but I am afraid to do so. I am so anxious that I came to a point that I become unproductive with my daily work because I was only thinking about you, every minute. I decided to just forget everything, but I just can’t. You are like a computer virus that even though I deleted it many times, you are still there. The more I wanted to erase you in my mind, the more I see myself missing you so much. It’s like you already have a permanent space in my mind and in my heart. I decided to distance myself from you. Then, reality hit me, Oh right, I forgot, you never tell me that you like me, you never tell me that you missed me, you never tell me that I am beautiful. All of the things you did were just a sign of friendship. I forgot that you are just like that, a loving person. I realized that it was all a one sided love.
I am still praying for you, and will continue to pray for you until all these feelings fades. I am still praying for your happiness and that may God fulfills your hearts’ desires. I will continue praying for your health and for your fruitful future. I will also pray for my heart, for its healing so that the next time I’ll love someone I am stronger and a better version of myself. I pray that when the time comes that we’ll see each other again, I will be able to look at you without feeling anything and maybe from there, genuine friendship may arise.
I may not be able to understand all things right now but I believe God will unveil the answers in his perfect time. I realized that even though I already know how to love someone, I still need to improve, be a better person for that someone God has prepared for me. I also learn to just rely wholeheartedly in God’s plan and start praying for these things, “relationship” with complete faith. I am still far from what God wants me to be and this situation shows a room for my growth as a person.
Looking back, I never regret anything at all. I never regret loving you. Maybe, your role in my life is just to be my “first love”. I still do not know what the future holds, but I believe it will be pure happiness for me and for you too.
Goodbye, I know I will see you again and like what you always say “Ingat ka, God Bless dyaaaaan”